UN-etiquette

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.
- Will Cuppy

There has been lot of talk about "Cricket Etiquette" this week following the Oval fiasco. Frankly, I've become a bit too tired of reading all those opinion pieces. So tired that, I've tried to list down the different ways that a batsman could possibly react after getting out in an "Etiquette-Free" world.

1. Walk as soon as the fielders appeal (the "Gilchrist" type)
2. Walk as soon as the umpire raises his finger (How boring is that?)
3. Stand your ground until the umpire rejects the appeal and then walk (much to the umpire's embarrassment - You've to really hate the umpire to do that)
4. Break the stumps with your bat and then trudge along (You wouldn't do that if you love your bat)
5. Throw your bat hard on the ground, then collect it without any remorse and then walk.. (What did the poor willow do?)
6. Keep shaking your head repeatedly.. (don't hurt your neck)
7. Let all the fielders and the umpires know what you think of them and their families.. ( $%#@***%)
8. Say, "I've had enough" and then drag the non-striker along with you (Sunny did it - why can't you?)
9. Thank the umpires and the opposing captain for giving you the opportunity to let you play at this level.. (Can't get any "suckier" than that)
10. Tell the non-striker that everyone has to leave at some point, that your time is up and that he could be the next to go (for the philosophical types)
11. Run as fast as you can and dive across the boundary rope (you've to be really nuts to do this - but I 've been told of an instance in club cricket where the batsman did this after being pissed at being given runout)
12. Uproot the stumps, tell everyone that there is no game without you at the crease and walk away with the stumps. (Now how many of you haven't done that as a kid?)
13. Say, "thooch.. I wasn't ready.. bowl again" (I still do it)

Feel free to add to the list..

Additions:
(from Angshu)
- Look at the umpire quizzically and ask “what on earth happened to your finger?”
- bring out a pistol from behind the thigh pad (resembling a holster) and fire the hat of the bloody umpire’s head before walking off. (That takes care of your future matches with that guy officiating.)
- chase the bowler around the park brandishing your bat till both of you are tired (you are going to get rest after that, remember?)

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Blogger santosh 3:54 PM

i love the last two... reminds me of my days when i used to play with my bros..    



Blogger angshu 9:19 PM

Brilliant. Vishnu u must have really missed WG (Grace) while writing this post - He could have added a dozen more (with illustrations) e.g. 1) smiling sweetly at the umpire after getting bowled and fixing the dislodged bails while mouthing words like ‘Don’t you think it’s rather windy this afternoon?’ 2) Letting the bowler know that people came here to watch you bat and not to enjoy his bowling.

I thought of a few to add to the list:

- Look at the umpire quizzically and ask “what on earth happened to your finger?”
- bring out a pistol from behind the thigh pad (resembling a holster) and fire the hat of the bloody umpire’s head before walking off. (That takes care of your future matches with that guy officiating.)
- chase the bowler around the park brandishing your bat till both of you are tired (you are going to get rest after that, remember?)    



Blogger Blog Barfer 9:40 AM

hahah very good    



Blogger Swapna 11:43 AM

Good one! :)    



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